And for those of you who tweet, and who know about Klout, your payoff will be the smug satisfaction you'll get from knowing "Well, at least I'm not THAT stupid", and hopefully, a chuckle, at my expense.
But in the course of telling my story, I do have a point to make in the midst of entertaining you, and I hope that will become evident.
For the uninformed among us, Twitter is a social media network whereby you can promote whatever you like (your business, your blog, your self, your brand) in short bursts called "tweets" of 140 characters, or less. In each tweet, you answer the question, "What's happening?" You follow people or businesses you are interested in, and people follow you, and you read each other's tweets on your timeline, the stream of people that you follow.
There is a metric for measuring how influential a person is in social media, called Klout. Each person who participates in social media is assigned a "rating" by Klout, a number between 1-100 that purports to show how much influence a person has.
In theory, one can raise one's Klout score by having other Twitter members assign people who they find influential a "+K" on whatever topic they find that person to be influential on.
I have no topics upon which I am influential, according to Klout. At present in Klout's business model, you are not allowed to suggest topics in regard to yourself, about which you would like to be considered as potentially influential.
Because that would make too much sense.
|No topics for YOU, BoonieSooze!|
Since my personal Social Media Sherpa, Anne, explained to me a month ago what Klout is, she said: "You've got to start tweeting more on topics that you know a lot about: like food, and homeschooling, and then people can give you +K on your "influential topics"."
Well, Anne's really smart, and let me tell you, in real life, for better or for worse, she is definitely one of my influencers. She has real life clout, in my book.
So...I tried. For the last month. To make pithy remarks on topics I know a little sumpin'-sumpin' about.
Klout wasn't buyin'.
I was bummed, but philosophical.
Then, one fateful night, (and this is the part where I begin to really look like an idiot) I was looking to make conversation with a friend of Anne's on Twitter, someone I had recently begun following. I noticed that she was really enjoying a movie I had just watched with Anne: True Grit.
She mentioned how much she was enjoying the movie, and having just seen it for the first time myself, I was excited that I could interact with her on this topic that she was excited about, and get to know her! So I tweeted back:
"Love that movie! Loved Jeff Bridges in it. Hailee Steinfeld was phenomenal!"
Only she hadn't tweeted that she was watching True Grit.
She tweeted that she was watching True Blood.
She tweeted me back with the "dreaded 'umm'...of dissing". (The DUD)
"Umm...True Blood, not True Grit. Although I was getting momentarily excited looking for Jeff Bridges in True Blood".
Crud. I hate looking like an idiot.
But I laughed about it with her in another small exchange of tweets, and life rolled on.
Or so I thought.
Until a few days later (and this is the part where my embarrassment blossoms like mushrooms after a rainstorm) when another friend called me up and said, "I just gave you +K on True Blood. I had no idea you watch that show. Do you watch that show???"
I laughed, and told her I had no idea it WAS a show. I thought it was some movie, and that I had made a little mistake with it the other night on Twitter.
Her: "I didn't think you watched that show. Its's about vampires, and, well, it's kinda dirty."
Me: "WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I've been chasing having an "Influential Topic" for a MONTH on Twitter? I've guest hosted on a Homeschooling Mom Community and acted like I know something about homeschooling after doing it for 12 years. I've posted recipe after recipe. Written devotional Bible study readings. AND NOW I'M INFLUENTIAL ON VAMPIRES AND RACY TV SHOWS?????"
If you dare tell me life ain't cramjammed full of irony, I will laugh in your face.
Somehow, I secretly think I deserve the momentary public humiliation, based on my willingness to chase after a vanity metric that means nothing of any importance in terms of what God thinks. Because on God's social media scale, I'm pretty sure that people who alleviate suffering, and who feed the hungry, and clothe the naked, and visit prisons are the actual ones with Klout in the kingdom of God. I'm pretty sure it's those of us who love Him with all our hearts, and then who act in love toward our fellow man are the real movers and shakers among us.
And, in terms of the Klout business practice of whatever algorithm they're using to select topics about which people are influential? Dude.
Your business practice needs tweekage. And I ain't just tweetin' around.
Great big FYI, in case anyone else ever has a similar problem: If you hate the topic of influence that Klout has assigned you, you can hover over it on your Klout homepage, and a little "x" will magically appear, and you can X it out. Lose it! It's a beautiful thing. And you'll need no longer be America's Expert on Vampire TV shows you've never seen or heard of.
P.S. To my readers: I promise not to sacrifice good content in order to get more Search Engine hits. Despite the title of this post. :-D