And for those of you who tweet, and who know about Klout, your payoff will be the smug satisfaction you'll get from knowing "Well, at least I'm not THAT stupid", and hopefully, a chuckle, at my expense.
But in the course of telling my story, I do have a point to make in the midst of entertaining you, and I hope that will become evident.
For the uninformed among us, Twitter is a social media network whereby you can promote whatever you like (your business, your blog, your self, your brand) in short bursts called "tweets" of 140 characters, or less. In each tweet, you answer the question, "What's happening?" You follow people or businesses you are interested in, and people follow you, and you read each other's tweets on your timeline, the stream of people that you follow.
There is a metric for measuring how influential a person is in social media, called Klout. Each person who participates in social media is assigned a "rating" by Klout, a number between 1-100 that purports to show how much influence a person has.
In theory, one can raise one's Klout score by having other Twitter members assign people who they find influential a "+K" on whatever topic they find that person to be influential on.
I have no topics upon which I am influential, according to Klout. At present in Klout's business model, you are not allowed to suggest topics in regard to yourself, about which you would like to be considered as potentially influential.
Because that would make too much sense.
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| No topics for YOU, BoonieSooze! |
Since my personal Social Media Sherpa, Anne, explained to me a month ago what Klout is, she said: "You've got to start tweeting more on topics that you know a lot about: like food, and homeschooling, and then people can give you +K on your "influential topics"."
Well, Anne's really smart, and let me tell you, in real life, for better or for worse, she is definitely one of my influencers. She has real life clout, in my book.
So...I tried. For the last month. To make pithy remarks on topics I know a little sumpin'-sumpin' about.
No dice.
Klout wasn't buyin'.
I was bummed, but philosophical.
Oh, well.
Then, one fateful night, (and this is the part where I begin to really look like an idiot) I was looking to make conversation with a friend of Anne's on Twitter, someone I had recently begun following. I noticed that she was really enjoying a movie I had just watched with Anne: True Grit.
She mentioned how much she was enjoying the movie, and having just seen it for the first time myself, I was excited that I could interact with her on this topic that she was excited about, and get to know her! So I tweeted back:
"Love that movie! Loved Jeff Bridges in it. Hailee Steinfeld was phenomenal!"
Only she hadn't tweeted that she was watching True Grit.
She tweeted that she was watching True Blood.
She tweeted me back with the "dreaded 'umm'...of dissing". (The DUD)
"Umm...True Blood, not True Grit. Although I was getting momentarily excited looking for Jeff Bridges in True Blood".
Crud. I hate looking like an idiot.
But I laughed about it with her in another small exchange of tweets, and life rolled on.
Or so I thought.
Until a few days later (and this is the part where my embarrassment blossoms like mushrooms after a rainstorm) when another friend called me up and said, "I just gave you +K on True Blood. I had no idea you watch that show. Do you watch that show???"
I laughed, and told her I had no idea it WAS a show. I thought it was some movie, and that I had made a little mistake with it the other night on Twitter.
Her: "I didn't think you watched that show. Its's about vampires, and, well, it's kinda dirty."
Me: "WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I've been chasing having an "Influential Topic" for a MONTH on Twitter? I've guest hosted on a Homeschooling Mom Community and acted like I know something about homeschooling after doing it for 12 years. I've posted recipe after recipe. Written devotional Bible study readings. AND NOW I'M INFLUENTIAL ON VAMPIRES AND RACY TV SHOWS?????"
If you dare tell me life ain't cramjammed full of irony, I will laugh in your face.
Somehow, I secretly think I deserve the momentary public humiliation, based on my willingness to chase after a vanity metric that means nothing of any importance in terms of what God thinks. Because on God's social media scale, I'm pretty sure that people who alleviate suffering, and who feed the hungry, and clothe the naked, and visit prisons are the actual ones with Klout in the kingdom of God. I'm pretty sure it's those of us who love Him with all our hearts, and then who act in love toward our fellow man are the real movers and shakers among us.
And, in terms of the Klout business practice of whatever algorithm they're using to select topics about which people are influential? Dude.
Your business practice needs tweekage. And I ain't just tweetin' around.
Great big FYI, in case anyone else ever has a similar problem: If you hate the topic of influence that Klout has assigned you, you can hover over it on your Klout homepage, and a little "x" will magically appear, and you can X it out. Lose it! It's a beautiful thing. And you'll need no longer be America's Expert on Vampire TV shows you've never seen or heard of.
P.S. To my readers: I promise not to sacrifice good content in order to get more Search Engine hits. Despite the title of this post. :-D


20 comments:
Ha ha!! You know, I don't use Twitter and I didn't understand half of what this blog was about, but I truly laughed out loud about the True Blood incident! Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!!
ROTFLOL! As usual, you made me laugh.
at least there is no SNAKE!!!!!!!
Susan - you are a great writer. (that needed sayin') and Klout is plain stupid-o.
I had one teensy Twitter conversation where YOU used the words FRIED CHICKEN and now Klout recognizes MYSELF as the one influential about this greasy fowl. *sigh*
I think my chicken Klout is funny, though. I'd be equally mortified if I had had the True Blood experience of which you speak.
I'm tempted to delete my chicken klout, too. Yet, I'm strangely happy with it.
Thank you for the tutorial on "Twitter", "tweets", and "klout"! I don't tweeter or twit or what-ever it's called, and after this posting, I can rest assured knowing that I'll NEVER have any clout or "klout" of ANY kind! ;-)
Twitter still just makes my brain hurt. Maybe I'm just too old. Maybe there's some sort of subliminal thing going on "You will not understand this, you person who is 50+...You will never understand...Go eat ice cream...."
Did anyone hear that? No?
Ok, I'm gonna go hunt down some Ben and Jerry's. Brain freeze instead of Twitter induced brain hurt.
Great story - total irony! It's such a mystery how Klout and all the other "metrics" work.
First of all, putting the Soup Nazi there was brilliant! Klout is a game to me, and if I find silly things people are influential on (like unicorns-yes really)it feels like bonus points. I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how I got Denmark though.
@Mary Ann: You are a random expert on Denmark? Excellent! Far superior to True Blood!
LOL "And I ain't just tweetin' around."
I don't tweet as much as I used to thanks to our internet service resembling two tin cans and a string, but really, you get klout just by being you.
And by tweeting CONSTANTLY.
Susan...I LOVED your guest post, have known Robin for 102 years almost exactly, and had someone Klout me the other day. I graciously replied that, while I was grateful, I wanted them to know that I thought they already had it! I simply can NOT "get with it' on this level. The MOMENT I figure something out...or think that I have, there's an invitation to something different and new. However, I honestly have to draw the line at rating people based on what they know...or are at least telling us! ;0) Thank you! This, too was lovely! ;0)
true blood is a very racy show (which i adore!).
klout is crazy- i swear i had never even tweeted walgreens or florida 9never even been or know anyone in florida!) and they both popped up as topics.
@Teri: it is so nice of you to say that. It's nice to know that the folks in charge appreciate what I did. VERY nice to hear!!!
I totally relate to what you're saying.
@Not Blessed Mama: Klout Moves in Mysterious Ways.
And that's all I'm gonna say about that!
Teri, at this point I would never invite anyone to klout; I'm not sadistic enough.
Susan, funny post. I think it is hilarious that you ended up with +k for True Blood. Deep irony there.
Too funny! I love the picture of the Klout Nazi.
Right now +K doesn't raise your Klout score, and even if it did--eh.
This post is hilarous!
My condolances on becoming an expert in Vampire/Trash TV.
Hee Hee.
You have been clouted by Klout. What irony.
I don't tweet because the cats would eat me.
LOL!
I have no clue about the show, and just basic understanding of Klout - and I have no klout in any area either!
I would totally do that! We are two peas in a pod, I tell ya. I had no idea what Klout was and I probably don't want to go see what mine is on Twitter either. lol Maybe you should tweet about bison or snakes. hehehehe
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